In the midnight hour, she cried mo', mo', mo' VH1 Classic

Keith Richards, "Wicked As It Seems": Fuck the Jagger hate. Sure, Keith IS the Stones, but judging by his solo material, anything you ever heard that made you think more than "hey, it's the Stones" came from Jann S. Wenner's Five-Star Solo Superstar. After hearing the drumming on his solo stuff, I don't even want to say Richards is all the makes a track "the Stones" either. I should show this video to everybody I know who was blown away by the "99 Problems" video, cuz Romanek's been making moving slide shows of other people's images for years.

Billy Idol, "Rebel Yell": I want to live on the planet this video was filmed on. Reaffirming that everything has been done before, this song nullifies my concept of nu-wave by being more aggro AND more new wave than anything that's come out this year. I'll pretend it doesn't count, though, as this is closer to pop-metal than nu-wave thanks to Steve Stevens' guitar, which morphs into a machine gun during the solo.

Whitesnake, "Here I Go Again": If she was dating a talented, charismatic frontman, Tawny might have given us a glimpse of her Kitaen. We should probably be grateful that shots of the hideous, deluded puds known as Whitesnake are included, for otherwise this clip would inspire spontaneous acts of public masturbation. There's a girl I know who considered re-enacting this video to the tune of Def Leppard's "Hysteria," and I'd just like to note that her boyfriend is a very, very lucky man (though not as lucky as David Coverdale, who deserved to have Margaret Thatcher humping his Yugo).

ZZ Top, "Rough Boy": one of two videos I've seen that imply the Top took their new wave shtick TOO FAR with Afterburner (I'll discuss "Sleeping Bag" another time), this one involves a space station and a synth ballad, nary a drop of Rio Grande Mud to be found. If it wasn't for the titular declaration of coarseness, this could be, I dunno, "Up Where We Belong."

Loverboy, "Working For The Weekend": They shot this for 9 hours (I'm guessing) and THESE were the most charismatic images they had to work with. I'm not sure when MTV realized that attractive people look better on TV, but it was sometime after this admittedly glorious video was popular (freeze on the drummer's distended face! people will want to revel in its enthusiastic grotesque glory!). That said, if I ever sing lead in a band again and am not hindered by a guitar, I WILL don the red headband and matching scarf. If you want to be in an audience's heart, you've gotta start from the start. Props to Scott Woods for revealing that Canadian headband-rock doesn't start and end with Loverboy.