"I attempted to be as sexual as possible, from a male perspective, without being vulgar or obscene. I think that I did a great job on it." — 50 Cent, on the video for "Candy Shop," in which he smiles limply at grinding women and suggests you lick his lollipop.

By beautiful coincidence, my bi-weekly radio show lands on Valentine's Day. I'm going to spend 11am-1pm EST on Monday playing the most miserable, depressing music I can think of. I'll also be taking requests and reminding people that she's never coming back, he only wanted you for sex, things aren't going to get better, happy people are delusional and the concept of eternal judgement was created so that the living wouldn't envy the dead. I may recite the lyrics to "Candy Shop" and name every girl I ever crushed on in alphabetical order, but no promises. It should be a trip. Only on The Lion 90.7 FM! You can listen online!