If the following post offends you, just remember that I wrote it late on a Saturday night. If you were doing something lamer than writing this, then you've got bigger things to worry about.

MY TOP TEN FAVORITE "MUSIC" BLOGGERS

1. Hi! I'm a woman.

2. Hi! I got yo' Diplo rmx of Nas right HERE, bizitch! Don't front, muthafucka. We on this shit. Blogga please! We run the North! We got grainy pictures of thugz that will make yo' head spin. Ugh.

3. Hi! I live in NYC and you don't. Here's proof!

4. Hi! I've got lots of understandably obscure crap and some web space. Got some time?

5. Hi! No. 1 wrote something really profound yesterday. Made me think about the Diplo remix of Nas I got from No. 2. I still like it (I think, only listened to it once) but I appreciate the issues that she raises. Think she'd date me?

6. Kris Ex, the only blogger on the planet who can get away with the phrase "closet fag." (Guess why.)

7. Hi! Oh fuck. This is stupid. What am I doing? Last post ever. Stay tuned for new blog in five. four. three. two...

8. Hi! I wish I was no. 4 but the most obscure album I own is Bubble & Scrape!

9. Hi!

10. Hi, I'm a full-time freelance writer with a steady income. And a wife. Kneel.