Saturday, February 26, 2005

"OH! YO! Feel me flow! Coming through to you in stereo, ho!"

I'm sure everybody's who has seen the instantly infamous Durst tape noticed how abbreviated it was. The reason for this is that Durst has a penchant for the deviant so idiosyncratic, so base, that the hacker (remember I have many connections in the world of Bizkit) felt that sharing the footage with others would make him an accomplice.

Durst raps during sex. He also records them for posterity on his cellphone. An acquaintance, who I will refer to as Godsmackrocks217, is considering releasing a CD-R of the most noteworthy material - usually every line ends with "oh shit" - as Waterbed Fred once he reaffirms that such an act won't break the Geneva convention (he's not sure whether the war on terrorism exempts him from peacetime regulations).

Some choice phrases:
"Fred so deep, Fred so large, rhythm in the night like El DeBarge!"

"Down beneath the hairy is a chocolate covered cherry..WOO! Scary! Soggy Frankenberry!"

"People wanna know, 'why it's all about the starfish?' Just can't deny that the Durst is very ticklish!"

"Bizkit sold 5 million in a year, it's all about the rear and a festive brassiere"

"Rock that shit like a new age pimp, Zed release the gimp cuz the Bizkit ain't limp"

There's a medley based on the month he explored tantra and Qawalli singing. Bonus track features Ben Stiller ("the hymen killer"). If his interaction with Britney was recorded before she did "I Got That (Boom Boom)," I think we can safely assume that the Ying Yang Twins stole large portions of "Wait" from him (though he wasn't whispering). There aren't enough advisory stickers in the world for this album.

These revelations are exclusive to this site and will be acknowledged as "satirical humor a la The Onion" if brought up elsewhere. But it's all true.

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