VH1 Classic is God.

Godfathers “Birth School Work Death”: It could have been the novelty hit Gang Of Four was lacking (dig that chorus and noise guitar break) if didn’t plod so goddamn much. I’m under the impression Jack Rabid-types in their late 30s have fond memories of these guys. Recently covered by Local H to the glee of Jim DeRogatis (see?).

Keel “Because The Night”: Pathetic. A homely hair-farmer machoes up Patti Smith’s original lyrics (this guy ain’t “in your command,” dig?) while three MORE guitarists head-bang and bash out the same fuckin’ power chords he is. Black and white band footage is intercut with scenes of this Alice Cooper stand-in bitterly staring at a girl’s ass. His shriek of “IT BELONGS TO AAAAAAHHHS!” before the guitar solo should have aped by Natalie Merchant.

Queen “One Vision”: Images from the movie Iron Eagle and behind-the-scenes studio footage are the visual accompaniment to this energetic ode to fascism (“one true religion, one voice, one hope, one real decision”). The bridge delineates the difference between Queen’s views and Nazism (“look what they’ve done to my DREAM!”), which is appreciated. I wonder what Dave Marsh (who called the band fascists five years earlier for stage presence alone) thought of this. The song ends with a demand for fried chicken. People who dismiss these guys after “Another One Bites The Dust” are missing out.

Public Image Limited “Seattle”: The finest PiL song post-Second Edition. Sounds like a U2 collabo. Supposedly inspired by Mark Arm calling John Lydon a sell-out.

Blue Oyster Cult "Joan Crawford": Five guys who looks like high school teachers who wish they could sleep with their students schlep around the garden of an expensive estate while uniformed schoolgirls parade around and ignore the aging sweathogs. Lead singer Eric Bloom seems like Jeff Lynne but less magical. Buck Dharma, who really should have sung more of BOC's tracks, is actually Bruno Kirby and responsible for that inexplicable sound-effect break before the intense bridge. Random shots of Allen Lanier sliding down the side of a wall, the drummer dancing while hitting a cymbal Andy Kaufman-style and a subtle suggestion of cunnilingus (thankfully not involving a member of Blue Oyster Cult). *POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT* Uniformed schoolgirls with blood stained mouths are really, really hot. As nonsensical and dramatic as the song itself, one of the finest videos of all time.