Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Art Brut sucks!!!

It's the truth you don't want to hear, but it's the truth nonetheless! I know it's been a long time since you heard rock-meta in a thick brogue over jagged guitars, but you don't have to settle for this! Make your own small-minded post-punk band! And don't let your American status stop you, just oi up your voice! Billie Joe did it, Dick Van Dyke did it, and you can too! Why settle for being one of half a million folks (generous estimate) on myspace raving about this type of inbred jangle when you can be in one of a thousand bands pumping out this shit!

E -----
B -----
G -----
D ----3
A ----3
E -1---

That's a power chord. Get somebody else who already knows that to make trebly fills over it, a drummer or a drum machine, and you're a band! Don't worry about technique, cuz the K aesthetic is way overdue for a comeback! Just yell something that could be equally ironic or genuine like "I HAVE MORE FRIENDS ON MYSPACE THAN YOU!" twice, then yell something that rhymes, then repeat the original phrase again! Add more if you're feeling imaginative, but seriously, the K aesthetic is due for a comeback! Figure out the best bumper sticker and win some buzz!

If the Television Personalities and Pulp had two babies and those babies had a baby as soon as they hit puberty, we, Art Brut, would be that incestuous baby! And we suck!

I understand why it's exciting to hear another band that can replicate post-punk sounds with a more limited lyrical palette (cuz twenty years after people were making music about how shitty capitalism and intolerance is, we know that's futile and just make music about how shitty music is), especially when they're from Britain and you kinda heard it first, but let's make our own instead! It's clearly pretty easy and jumping up and down on stage is a good way to lose weight*! Instead of finding indie rock dubyas, let's make our own! Our incompetence might help us stumble assbackwards into something novel! You might also get tired of the sound quicker, and learn to appreciate something more challenging, like JAZZ! Or GRIME!


Now you do it!

*Getting popular, however, is not. So not only will we be helping ourselves by not paying attention to Fall Out Boy and Interpol, we'll be helping their singers cut down on the snacking!

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