Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Like I said, ain’t nothin to the pain. We can change that last name. What's happenin'?

Songs new to last week's Billboard Top 50 Singles chart.

#8 (debut): Jonas Brothers, "Tonight"
Monday was day one of Jonas Brothers Week on TRL, and girls screamed for five hours straight outside the building. It's not a sound a person is supposed to hear - I'm pretty sure it's used in audio torture. This is part of why it pisses me off that for all their high chart debuts, they've yet to release a halfway decent bubblegum track. It's unconscionable that they can't even work up a "The Right Stuff." Follow along, guys: "oh, oh, oh-oh-oh." It's easy.

#29 (debut): T-Pain feat. Lil' Wayne, "I Can't Believe It"
After the robot vomit of "Got Money," I'm shocked at how pleasant a Roger Troutman giggle this second collabo is. Pain sounds like he's phrasing his vocal to exploit the quirks of autotune, rather than just flipping it on out of fashion. Lil' Wayne sounds stoned and amused enough to play along.

#42 (from #55): Rick Ross feat. Nelly & Avery Storm, "Here I Am"
His best bad Biggie, proof that he can ride a spry beat with his oafish kingpin b.s. Guaranteed to be overpraised by folks who think it's mandatory to indulge this shit.

#44 (from #48, missed it last week): Keith Urban, "You Look Good In My Shirt"
Wow, the fruity enthusiasm of Tom Cruise and the faceless enthusiasm of Lenny Kravitz combined with authentic Australian twang.

#49 (from #59): Yung Berg feat. Casha, "The Business"
Imagine cheap CGI robot porn. Now imagine that the droids won't shut up.

#50 (from #61): Leona Lewis, "Better In Time"
Whitney Houston cries "My daughter! My sister! My daughter! My sister!" while Grandpa Clive grins demonically.

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