I can't be bothered to make a half-year top 50 singles list and my 20 albums are constantly in flux, so allow me to piggyback onto Matos' half-year mix meme.

If I Wanted To See Clerks II, I'd Look In A Mirror:
Jan-June 2006 CD-R

Mudhoney "Where Is The Future?" (5:38)
Eagles Of Death Metal "Shasta Beast" (2:28)
LL Cool J feat. Jennifer Lopez "Control Myself" (3:54)
E-40 feat. Keak Da Sneak "Tell Me When To Go" (4:03)
Tiga "Far From Home" (2:42)
Grandaddy "Elevate Myself" (3:41)
Ne-Yo "When You're Mad" (3:43)
H.I.M. "Wings Of A Butterfly" (3:30)
The Spores "(Don't) Kill Yourself" (3:36)
Blue October "Hate Me" (4:00)
Phoenix "Long Distance Call" (3:04)
Pussycat Dolls "Buttons" (3:45)
Be Your Own Pet "Wildcat!" (1:24)
Field Mob "At The Park" (3:40)
Tre 380 "Hokey Pokey" (4:36)
Juvenile feat. Lil Jon "Why Not" (2:45)
Gnarls Barkley "Crazy" (3:01)
Camera Obscura "Dory Previn" (4:16)
Eef Barzelay "N.M.A." (3:28)
Rainer Maria "Clear And True" (2:42)
Ghostface Killah "Underwater" (2:03)
K.T. Tunstall "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree" (2:51)
Black Eyed Peas "Pump It" (3:36)

They showed us a filmreel in 4th grade where skyscrapers blasted into space once Earth became inhospitable. Mudhoney and their horn section must have seen that one too, cuz they miss '60s futurism bad. Eagles Of Death Metal settle for earthly pleasures (falsetto, hitting on girls who still live with their parents, gregarious facial hair), which explains why their retro-clomp's a little more sprightly. LL's retro-clap revisits his "Goin' Back To Cali" vocal pacing with a self-parodying relish I won't begrudge (I've heard the rest of the album), and its highly possible the closing chant of "zun-zun-zun-zun-zun"s is a reference to a song I don't know (kudos if its a genuine original improv, though). E-40, whose KRS delivery - good way to convey authority without dropping energy - is refreshing, shares Bay Area street lingo for the first two thirds of his album, before repeatedly declaring that he doesn't love the many women who blow him. "Tell Me When To Go" is from the first third.

Tiga makes wry synth-pop covers of hipster memories (Public Enemy, Talking Heads), but "Far From Home" is an original collaboration with Soulwax that just sounds like one. Grandaddy's Jason Lyle makes wry synth-pop about how tired he is of making wry synth-pop, which may make Just Like The Fambly Cat his best album as long as its his last. Ne-Yo wrote a valentine about his addiction to angry sex, but satanic metal sexors H.I.M. won't settle for less than butterfly mutilation and your soul, while The Spores just want you to (not) kill yourself in their (not) fucked-up rewrite of "Since U Been Gone."

It wouldn't be a year in pop music if we didn't have a self-loathing power ballad, and Blue October opens "Hate Me" with an answering machine message from the singer's late mother, followed by an outpouring of gratitude and regret over the unconditional love he received while battling addiction, realizing the sacrifices she made for him; a three-hanky classic. The problem with the Strokes is they're not French enough, so God invented Phoenix. I haven't heard that new Beyonce single, but "Buttons" is "Naughty Girl" warmed over or heated up, depending on your perspective. Be Your Own Pet is like Love Is All in the sense that they've got enough energy and hook to make me dig their noisy tumbles when I'm in the mood to put up with inherently inchoate indie, but BYOP songs are shorter. Field Mob rewrite "Sugar (Gimme Some)" to further praise Georgia peaches, but their verse about food ("Got a plate of macaroni pork and beans and ribs/Two pieces of light bread/Kool-aid to sip") isn't metaphorical (I pray). The level of wit in Tre 380's rewrite of "Hokey Pokey" is well below metaphors, unless you count "lookin' for dat Monica Lewinsky."

Juvenile is one of a dozen plus competent rappers who are going gold (sometimes platinum) by describing their ability to stay the course, make money while staying true to the streets, and continue hustling (imagine Too Short as Ian MacKaye). I could have put T.I. on, but I thought King was disqualified by going multiplatinum (turns out it hasn't). Two-thirds of a classic soul song is three quarters more than we're used to, so thanks, Cee-Lo (fuck Dangermouse and his tepid, overrated, slapdash, two-decent-hooks-per-album career, though). Camera Obscura aint Belle & Sebastian's sidekicks no more - only the woman sings now and the band's beefed up the lush, giving her warm-blooded, literary ballads the backdrop they deserve. I have to find out if Eef Barzelay's band Clem Snide is worth a shit; his songs on Bitter Honey, less whimsical than John Prine's ("N.M.A." stands for "Nothing Means Anything") but not due to increased intelligence so much as generational temperment, hold up fine in skeletal solo arrangements.

Rainer Maria, who actually broke up without anyone noticing, came back with their hookiest album to date (guess what? only the woman sings now!), but nobody gave a shit because their old fanbase has graduated and didn't stay bright, burning, clear and true. Ghostface made another great Ghostface album this year, but my favorite track is the one where he turns into Prince Be. I liked the Sophie Muller video for "Black Horse & The Cherry Tree," but it wasn't until I saw KT's loop-happy one-woman band shtick on Leno that it got its hooks in (probably helped that she was following Ann Coulter). "Pump It" was in Best Buy ads in 2005, but the video didn't come out till December and I didn't revel in its inclusive glee (they're so good at that!) until February. "Pump It" is currently my Favorite Single Of 2006, which would seem to imply that nothing I've heard that actually dropped in the first six months of 2006 sounds better than the Black Eyed Peas doing the wop over "Misirlou."

You'd scroll through fields of Pin to read my solipsistic take on alternative rock. Thank you.

The countdown is over! Mazel tov! In closing, I'd like to address some false assumptions people may have made based upon the top ten over at modernrock4eva.

Myth: Jesus fucking christ, Anthony sure loves white rap!

Fact: There is only one white rapper in the top ten. While Evanesence sidekick Paul McCoy does sound like a constipated Nelly, he's no more rapping on "Bring Me To Life" than Nelly is on "Over & Over" (both are easily the oddest adult contemporary hits of the decade, by the way). Mike Shinoda, Rakim to Mr. Hahn's Eric B. in Linkin Park, is half-Japanese, while Sonny Sandoval, P.O.D.'s rapper/singer/yeller, is of Guamanian, Italian, Hawaiian, and Mexican descent (thank you, Wikipedia). Despite the connotations of his band's name, Doug Robb of Hoobastank does not rap and is half-Japanese. Robert Smith, Billie Joe Armstrong, the guy from Better From Ezra, Kurt Cobain and Bono also do not rap. The only white rapper in the top ten is Shifty. Send him a congratulatory message!

Myth: Anthony likes that Hoobastank piece of shit more than "Black" by Pearl Jam! More than that beautiful ballad by Candlebox or "Interstate Love Song!" WTF?!

Fact: While the above statement is true, you couldn't deduce that from the countdown, as none of the songs mentioned were #1 hits on the Billboard Modern Rock chart. Here are 25 non-#1 charting hits that would have definitely crashed the top 10, possibly topping "High," depending on what I had for dinner and how long it had been since I'd last had sex.

Frank Black, "Headache"
Blur, "Song 2"
Breeders, "Cannonball"
Counting Crows, "Mr. Jones"
Cure, "Love Song"
Elastica, "Stutter"
Erasure, "A Little Respect"
Gin Blossoms, "Hey Jealousy"
Harvey Danger, "Flagpole Sitta"
Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"
Morrissey, "Last Of The Famous International Playboys"
Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"
Pavement, "Cut Your Hair"
Pearl Jam, "Jeremy"
Liz Phair, "Supernova"
Queens Of The Stone Age, "Go With The Flow"
Rage Against The Machine, "Bulls On Parade"
Rancid, "Time Bomb"
Smashing Pumpkins, "Tonight, Tonight"
Sonic Youth, "Kool Thing"
Sugar, "Your Favorite Thing"
Teenage Fanclub, "The Concept"
They Might Be Giants, "Birdhouse In Your Soul"
Vines, "Get Free"
Weezer, "Buddy Holly"

You might be wondering if any of 2006's #1s to date would have rated highly on the chart if they were eligible. Pearl Jam's incoherent but spirited "World Wide Suicide" would have fit in between "My Sister" and "Policy Of Truth" at #107.5, with Weezer's melodic but insipid "Perfect Situation" almost ten spots lower and the inescapable oatmeal that is "Dani California" resting down in the 170s, so the answer is no.

What Modern Rock hits would you say are more awesome than all the alt-ditties America pushed to #1? Which singles have I and this country robbed?

Random notes

1. I'd like "Promiscuous" a lot more if Furtado's verse vocal didn't make me think about how much I'd rather be listening to LL's "Doin' It." Despite their obvious craft, there's something about both her singles that leaves me a little cold.

2. The ad where the Fruits Of The Loom pretend they're Coldplay is kind of the most wonderful thing I've seen on TV all year.

3. I don't miss writing freelance.

4. I do miss the relationship I had with pop singles when I'd listen to the radio a lot - I liked the sense of common experience I don't get from the net and videos are a really tainted way of experiencing songs. I like not having my ears strapped to a discman every time I step outside even more, though.

5. I still have a Top Ten Singles Of 2006 (So Far):

Black Eyed Peas "Pump It"
E-40 "Tell Me When To Go"
Busta Rhymes "Touch It"
Pussycat Dolls "Buttons"
Kelly Clarkson "Walk Away"
Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"
LL Cool J feat. Jennifer Lopez "Control Myself"
Ne-Yo "When You're Mad"
Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean "Hips Don't Lie"
Eagles Of Death Metal "I Want You So Hard (Boy's Bad News)"

Top 5 imdb user reviews for Get Rich And Die Trying:

5. I hope that the right people get a hold of the comments I'm about to make. Motion pictures still have the ability to be used as an art form that can be a medium of effective communication. As a culture have we forgotten how to use gifts and talent? As a nation (USA) have we decided that freedom means that "gangsters' can pimp the arts with money and influence? Let's face it, music, TV and motion pictures are the hallmark of artistry in our world. And, at the same time the abuse of these mediums has caused talent and gifts to be eroded from the next generation. There is pot of gold in our youth and young adults that executives and media directors have a MORAL and CULTURAL obligation to ensure art is not bastardized for profit. Mr. Jackson (50 Cents) is just one of the many symptoms of what we are becoming as a people, a cancer. As an American of African heritage I feel a burden for my peers of caucasion ethnicity, please don't "help" black people by lavishing wealth and opportunity on the loudest, most threatening and menacing people in our communities. Say "no" to the next 50 Cent, no to his music, his "acting," and his abuse of 1st Amendment rights. Lets send a message as leaders in media that everything isn't acceptable. Lets educate people to what is good, positive, life affirming and yes creative as well. Lets fund and support education in the arts and create new industries starting in the places with the least opportunity and hope. Art can be made in the hood, but its born from the Heart.

With great power comes great responsibility. -Stan Lee

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4. The movie was full of action. There were no dull moments. Throughout the whole movie I was wondering whats going to happen next and who is doing this and who is doing that. I must say that this is a very good movie in my opinion. Before I saw the movie I didn't even really like 50 cent due to his attitude, but his acting was good the movie was very well put together. I cant lie I might just go see that again. At least I know once it go to video I will pick it up. For the ladies yall gon enjoy 3 parts cause all ima say is naked lol i give it a 10 because I wasn't expecting it to be halfway decent and it was actually good I just cant hate. Most people may give it a 5 and up but there's nothing awful about it unless u as a person don't like anything dramatic, action packed, and real

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3. "Hi my name is - Who? - My name is - What? - My name's Cheeky Cheeky Slim Shady!" Cheeky Cheeky Slim Shady there with the song that kick-started the whole rap music scene! Little did Cheeky Slim know that his jolly, upbeat, life affirming music would pave the way for a more sinister type of rapping… Slim Shady and his cheery tunes were soon pushed aside in favour of ruder artists like Marshall Mathers or the despicable Eminem. These didn't want to rap about saying hello and explaining what their name is anymore, they wanted to rap about guns and drugs, and pimps and hoes. And drugged up pimps with gun-toting hoes, who drug their clients and then force them at gunpoint to ho themselves to pimps. For drugs.

Now it seems that every new rappist feels that he has to outdo the last in a bid to be ever more offensive, cramming profanities into every song like a pimp with a gun cramming drugs into a ho. The latest young man to try his hand at profanity cramming is one 50 cent, a man who raps harder than an Elf at Christmas. 50 cent is so called because he was kidnapped as a small child, but was so unloved by his family that the abductors were only able to ask for a ransom of half a dollar. Now Fifty has taken his tragic upbringing and transformed it into a hit movie, Get Killed Or Die Trying'! In Get Killed Or Try Dyin' Fifty plays a young man who has to find a way to escape a life on the streets in America! Life on the street isn't easy, believe me, I know. I have to walk past homeless people every day. Well, I tend to jog past. Even though I cross to the other side of the road so that I don't have to smell them, I can still see that they have it pretty tough. When I say that I can 'see' that they have it tough, it's not strictly true, because I try not to look directly at the homeless. It's depressing, isn't it? Nevertheless, I can perceive out of the corner of my eye that they have it tough. I suppose that technically all they have to do is sit there, so it's not tough in any obvious way, but I'm confident that it's tough in theory.

Movies have taught me that there are only three possible career choices for a young black man on the streets of America, drug dealer, ho pimper, or word… rapper. Each choice presents its share of problems. Drug dealing is hard. Getting up every morning, reading the scruffy handwriting on all those prescriptions, weighing out exactly the right amount of pills, putting them into those tiny little bottles that have the caps that are really difficult to get off, advising people about what kind of tissues are best. The life of a drug dealer isn't one that I would wish on anyone. Similarly pimping is no walk in the park either. Unless your hoes work in and around a park. Finally we have the life of a millionaire rap 'musician'. Do you think it's easy to be a rapper? Just because it's easy to swear, and easy to do things in time to music, you think it's easy to SWEAR IN TIME TO MUSIC? Is that what you think?! Well you're right, that's why it's easier to be a rapper than a pimp or a drug dealer.

The real trick to being a rap star is to make sure that a lot of bad things happen to you. Get Killed Or Get Rich Trying' follow Fifty as he embarks on his quest to have lots of things happen to him that make him really angry. Once Fifty has been involved in enough anger-causing incidents, he will be able to write raps about them and escape his life on the street, but can he do so before someone 'pops a cap up his ass'? Or shoots him? You'll have to watch the incredible Get Rich Quick Or Your Money Back to find out!

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2. Look man ... I'm from Romania .. yeah .. I know you don't care .. but listen to this...

My English may be bad ... but ...

It's VERY hard to make a movie of someone's life and try not to modify the truth too much. In my opinion that 8 mile movie is NO better than this movie.

50 had a hard time ... and you're saying this movie is bad?? That's his life.Don't you get it? Tell me .. what great things did you do in YOUR life??

What are you doing with your life that's SO great ?? huhh?? Send me an email and tell me.My address is skynetspy@yahoo.com

Word up all

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1. Is this not the kind of art written by the bourgeoisie between the entrée and pudding? Imagine a film that shows 50 cent as a hero, a sensitive man. Imagine violent criminals breaking into diatribes declaring their manly love and respect for each other. Imagine what it must be like to not be able to read or write, and have friends like this man.

Fortunately, I don't have to. Instead I can gladly submit to this effective marketing tool. I'm glad to have brought him a burger through watching this film.

Do you want to see what an average film is like? Watch this, and appreciate how good an average film actually is.

Anybody know why Buckcherry has been hovering near the bottom of the Billboard album chart's top 50, where the album debuted, for nine weeks? Never drops down, never rises, it just stays there...x number of people buy the new Buckcherry album every week. The reunion album by Buckcherry. It's creepy! Is their non-delightful new single "Crazy Bitch" in a TV ad? At least I can write off the enduring top 10 pop success of "Dani California" as some kind of embarassing digital download quirk.

Attention, fellow Scrawl fans! Somewhere to go next time you're stuck in the middle of Ohio.

The Last.Fm "Last Week" Top Ten Round-Up

1. Ghostface
If my enthusiasm for Fishscale is rather muted, it's because I finally checked out Ironman and Supreme Clientele, making Fishscale my fourth favorite Ghostface album. And who knows, maybe Bulletproof Wallets is better too. I can't join the Tony Starks cult, in part because his hooks tend to reach me before he does, but they reach me pretty quickly.

2. Bowling For Soup
Are Good Charlotte still my favorite pop-punk band of the decade, or have BFS taken the crown? Their next releases will decide for sure. The drama...

3. Jay-Z
I'm all about '90s NYC debut rap albums right now. Illmatic, Ironman, Reasonable Doubt, It's Dark And Hell Is Hot...missed them at the time - none released on Matador.

4. Tarkio
My tags say Tariko, but accoring to google they're called Tarkio! The system is flawed.

5. Madonna
She has enough great songs to make a decent box set, but the only full-length I truly enjoy is You Can Dance! Most album filler is intolerable and the hits comps are flawed. I'm making a 2CD-R comp for my own pleasure soon, feel free to recommend some album tracks that deserve attention.

6. The Go-Betweens
I didn't actually check out Oceans Apart until a month or two before McLennan's death. The only band I can think of who were actually better when they re-united than beforehand.

7. Amadou & Mariam
Some awful, ignorant articles about this duo came out recently, and I don't feel like throwing more bwana asshattery out there (the words "Manu" and "Chao" appear on all the "world music" I own). Hear Dimanche A Bamako, though.

8. Mogwai
It's been a good year for indie bands I never gave a shit about before. Debating revisiting Young Team, but nothing on the albums that followed led me to believe I'd enjoy Mr. Beast as much as I do. I wonder if they were in danger of having to lower their gaurantee or something.

9. Phoenix
I can't believe I'm actually enjoying a continental European rock band!

10. Sia
I'd say more, but I'm late for an Ikea run...

If I'm going to have a comments box, I might as well employ it: Do you have a FAVORITE single or album from this year yet? I'm not talking some by-default choice, I'm talking a non-reissue 2006 release that you treasure. I've got plenty of likes (I'll be doing a first half of 2006 round-up eventually), but little in the way of loves. Is anything seriously floating people's boats right now?

You know what else is back? The song stylings of Eamon! The new single, "(How Could You) Bring Him Home," is disappointingly curse-free, but he does reference Maroon 5 in the first verse. I anxiously await the video.

In case you've forgotten his comically cancerous cojones, someone's put up the UNEDITED version of "Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)"...



And dig this, a remix of the smugger-than-smug "I Love Them Ho's/Girl Act Right" featuring...GHOSTFACE!



He's back! He's baaaack!

The comments box is back, due to what passes for popular demand around here (still working out the kinks, though). I prefer e-mail correspondence, where nobody can embarrass you by publicly pointing out your dumbass statements or by making their own, but the people have spoken, and I will appease them...for now.

"Last Week" Last.fm Round-up

1. The Clean
Why the hell did they put such awful rarities at the end of Disc 2 of Anthology? Totally fucks up the listenability. Completists bite hard.

2. Band Of Horses
A Flaming Lips I can respect! More later.

3. Bowling For Soup
Not just Fountains Of Wayne Meets Blink-182, but the Sell-Out NOFX as well.

4. Eric B. & Rakim
I love the hits, but I'm never totally sure why he's "the best rapper ever," aside from "purity" (do these people hate pizza toppings?).

5. Big Daddy Kane

He looks like he's freezing!

6. Tariko
Still haven't listened to the Decemberists yet. I'm lazy.

7. Jon Auer
The ex-Posie's In The Year Of Our Demise is chock full of overwraught and lyrically ridiculous yet melodically outstanding romantic alternapop. In the days of virginal Greg Dulli worship, it would be my favorite album of the year. Five stars! WHAT WOULD BE ON THE RADIO IF PEOPLE HAD A CLUE!

8. The M's
I still haven't thought of anything more than the phrase "avant-glam" in regards to these chaps. Maybe I need to read a press bio.

9. Death From Above 1979
The lyrics are still lame, but that remix album eliminates the monochromatic quality of the original release - ironically more listenable despite the multiple appearances of the same original track. Some of these technified versions sound like an enjoyable "future of rock" - if they didn't espouse such boring dickery, they'd be right up there with Linkin Park in my esteem.

10. DMX
Turns out Fred Durst circa Chocolate Starfish was totally jacking his flow!

Being American big budget films involving superheroes and Halle Berry, they aren't without their flaws, but those X-Men movies get me in the gut. Dynamic young people with amazing abilities deciding which aging British fop to line up behind, whether to defend America or punish its citizens for their ignorant, unsympathetic fear. The mixture of adolescent "gifted" frustration and apocalyptic bombast is immensely satisfying; with our government using gays & mexicans as objects of fear now that the "terrorist" threat is no longer effective, watching a technicolor battle over faith in humanity strikes me as very cathartic. The new film is breezier - Brett Ratner, duh - but the template remains effective and the visuals may be the grandest yet. I could write a longer post with observations like "Shadowcat had better chemistry with Iceman than Rogue did," but I'll save that shit for conversations with friends who share the same mixture of appreciation and mild embarassment. One thing: I have nothing but the highest respect for Hugh Jackman (I actually think he should have gotten a Best Supporting Actor nomination for one of the earlier flicks), which leads me to believe that no actor could pull off saying "way to go, Furball" to a television set.

Saw Boris (Japanese Motorhead with psych-drone tendencies and a diminuitive female guitarist) last night. I enjoyed them as well as opening act Thrones (screwed-and-chopped Trans from Melvins bassist), but I can't take non-pop metal in a live context anymore. I stand all day at work, so if you're not going to inspire me to move, I need to be able to sit down. Overall, the show made me want to buy some Blue Oyster Cult.

It's possible that I won't see another live show until Electric Six comes back to town in July. Feelin' old...

"Last Week" Last.Fm Round-Up

1. The Clean
Judging by the success of Clap Your Hands and Tapes'n'Tapes, VU-style pop-drone is coming back in favor. I approve in a "better than emo" sense, even if I have a hard time remembering indiviudal songs.

2. Sia
Oh, Sia, my Dido.

3. The Mountain Goats
Am I the only person who thinks Tallahassee stands out as a sub-par release? I love what I've heard before and since, but that one (the first I ever heard), still only grabs me for about five tracks. I don't even like "No Children" or "Small Arms Traffic Blues!" Baffling...

4. Tariko
I've always liked Colin Meloy's voice, and my fondness for this midwest-alt juvenalia tells me I really need to revisit the Decemberists. Or maybe I just prefer him in this generic context?

5. Stereolab
Are there really people who would notice if they put a track from five years ago on a new album with a different name? Bob Pollard would have an easier job getting away with it, but I think these folks could pull it off.

6. 2pac
Last.fm's technology is obviously lax, because I played more than 6 tagged 2Pac tracks this week. Recently made a CD-R based on Ethan's recommendations on an ILX thread and some singles. If you have any favorites not in this tracklisting, send me an e-mail so I can hunt them down.

1. So Many Tears
2. Against All Odds
3. California Love
4. I Wonder If Heaven’s Got A Ghetto
5. Dear Mama
6. Temptations
7. Brenda’s Got A Baby
8. Shorty Wanna Be A Thug
9. Only God Can Judge Me
10. God Bless The Dead
11. How Do You Want It?
12. I Get Around
13. Hail Mary
14. If My Homie Calls
15. Ambitionz Az A Ridah
16. When We Ride On Our Enemies
17. Keep Your Head Up

I never cared too much about him back in the MTV heyday, but these tracks do a good job of showing him in a lively, thoughtful context. I once wrote him off as too apollonian to identify with, but at his best, the details and spirit keep the "earnest thug" archetype from ossifying. His tendency to repeat his overriding themes in the last verse or two of a song reminds me of a politican.

7. Broken Social Scene
Recently pulled the self-titled album out, and I think I'm becoming more sympathetic to the faceless bandwing camp side of indie. The whole gang getting together to make an inclusive kaboom. Bet I'd revere this stuff if I was in high school.

8. Eef Barzelay
Ignored Clem Snide after the staid Your Favorite Music, but the songs on Barzelay's solo disc are strong and witty enough to make me want to find out how they come off with a full band. Not as kind as John Prine, but almost as smart.

9. The M's
Avant-glam act on Polyvinyl with a harsh, unique sound, not so sure if they have the songs yet.

10. Sonic Youth
The tracks off Rather Ripped I've heard don't stray far from the groovy template of the last two albums. Might be their biggest album yet.

Five reasons to see the new version of The Omen next week:

1. Movie theatre air conditioning RULES!

2. Pizza The Hutt has a cameo.

3. Mia Farrow, Pete Postelwaithe and David Thewlis's stunt dummies get one good scene each.

4. Spontaneous psychosis in dogs and monkeys.

5. I assume thanks to cosmetic science, Liev Schrieber has a permanently furrowed mannequin face that is only capable of three expressions: "I am Rodan's Thinker," "is that...fish?" and "UGH, FISH!" The latter is deployed only when someone dies, and briefly.

Otherwise, you should just see the original (or something else).

One of the things that kills me about Pants-Off Dance-Off is how shows of this type inspire people like myself to treat videos as sacred works of art. It makes you pine for the days when one could watch ADVERTISEMENTS FOR POP SONGS free of scrolls, clutter and awkward strippers, when you could watch TELEVISION ADVERTISEMENTS FOR CONSUMER PRODUCTS without interruption. And when they do give you that opportunity, you're grateful and make a note to watch them more frequently. Have we reached such a depth in capitalist culture that this is the slim bit of entertainment we're fighting for? It's downright satanic, and not in the fun way.

Working on a list of my favorite videos, btw. Thin line between love and hate, joy and contempt, ZZ Top's "Legs" and ZZ Top's "Sleeping Bag."

If the idea of a pop-punk with little in the way of 'chops' trying to recreate the intense drama of Asia fills you with excitement, you have to check out the Angels & Airwaves album. Minute plus intros of power chords and keyb swells, gradually leading to a drum fill. Video for "The Adventure" opens with the band walking onto a spaceship. We later see footage of the formerly earthbound Tom DeLonge walking in a field, letting his arms float above him with Bonofied slo-mo grace, but it's all about "Heat Of The Moment."

The "It's All About The Benjamins (Rock Remix)" video is not on youtube and I wish there was something I could do about that. There's a stream at music.yahoo.com, but it's just not the same. It annoys me that those shitty Run-DMC/Aerosmith and PE/Anthrax collabos get so much attention when there are so many finer examples of rap-rock out there. Plus, unlike the aforementioned pair, this version is actually better than the original (that climactic Biggie verse with the ringing power chords? Puffy running screaming through a high school hallway with rioting prom attendees? A post-Mats, pre-G'N'R Tommy Stinson for some inexplicable reason? Sweet merciful christ!). If you haven't heard or seen it in a while, hunt it down. The shit's unreal, and music needs to get back on that tip.

We now begin our weekly feature: Defend Your Last.FM "Last Week" Top Ten!

1. Cities
2. American Princes
Ordinary alt-rockers with energetic side ones. Cities uses more Brit reverb, American Princes has more distinct melodic hooks. I wouldn't worry too much about hearing either unless you're a freelancer for Magnet with a deadline.

3. The Clean
Shuffle benefits the double CD anthology, no? I need to toss some of the non-drones.

4. Sonic Youth
Was pretty surprised by the first EP, recently reissued. Knew Richard Edson, character actor extraordinaire, was the drummer then, but had no idea he was attempting some "I Zimbra" shit on occasion ("She Is Not Alone" is hysterical, Thurston failing his audition for the Slits). I assume its the lack of distinct identity that gives the disc such a bad rap, but sometimes I'll take post-PIL jiggy over sluggier bombast.

5. Annie Hayden
A lot of the albums I've been listening to this year are long on seductive atmosphere but short on the anthemic pull that inspires me to write long blog posts (noticed?). The Merge b-lister's The Enemy Of Love doesn't bore or grate when it's on, but I don't remember what was intelligent or charming about the songs after. One of the best adult-alternative singer-songwriter albums I've heard in a while, but it never evolves into pop the way Amy Rigby or Liz Phair albums can, even when she's covering the Replacements.

6. Jay-Z
Respected MTV rap from the mid to late 90s is a big gap in my musical knowledge (blame Dr. Octagon and an inability to take the Hype Williams video aesthetic seriously), so I've been checking out a lot of Jay-Z, DMX, Tupac, Nas and Biggie lately. A lot of the criticisms I had about these guys based on the big MTV hits are falling away with distance and further perusal. Jay-Z's flow still often strikes me as sedentary and uninvolving - I prefer my rappers more musical - but Reasonable Doubt and Vol. 3 are albums I need to acquire in full.

7. Shoplifting
Was enjoying this Les Savy Favish until I realized that my favorite tracks were almost identical and that the band basically hits a post-punk skank, gradually pulling away into a tinny, awkward drone for a tad. Song titles include "Male Gynecology." Its marginality made blatant, I chucked it.

8. Supergrass
I Should Coco, another 90s artifact I'm digging with distance.

9. Arab Strap
The Last Romance is the first of their releases to catch my ear at all. Basically some brogued-up, monomaniacal Greg Dulli bullshit - this leery agonizing over matters of the crotch sounded less ridiculous and insipid when I was a virgin, but there's a few tracks on the new one where they make it rock (the Whigs' saving grace as well).

10. Sia
To reaffirm I've been wallowing in nondescript ambiance, it turns out this Astralwerks songstress I've been spinning soundtracked a climactic moment on Six Feet Under. I think I'm mentally preparing for yuppiehood in hopes of acquiring a living wage.

from Billboard:

For the first time in their 22-year career, Red Hot Chili Peppers score a No. 1 album on The Billboard 200. The two-disc "Stadium Arcadium" (Warner Bros.) sold 442,000 copies in the United States in its debut week, according to Nielsen SoundScan. The total is the band's career best sales week, beating the opening week of 2002's "By The Way," which bowed at No. 2 with 282,000.

Only double CDs get counted as two separate sales, which would make the actual number of copies sold 221,000. And Stadium Arcadium is a total poo slog. I liked over half of By The Way (Frusciante and Kiedis made that one all pretty-like) but had to strain to get through any track from the bloated newbie, whose overriding theme is that as long as young girls are moving to L.A., Tony Flow will be there to rhyme about them over jam excerpts from the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem.