Wanna know what xgau (and Carola Dibbell) thought of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? The ever-growing library at www.robertchristgau.com is happy to tell you.

Just made a CD-R for the aforementioned little sister, who's in town this week. The last CD-R she gave me featured Alex Chilton, TV On The Radio, Jay-Z, Korn, Usher, Throwing Muses, Matmos, Abigail Grush, Wrathchild and Gillian Welch among others, so don't assume this is some stereotypical "music education" older brother shit. These days it's just a chance for us to share the music we're enjoying with each other. Thanks to the New England education she's getting, her canon has grown leaps and bounds in the last few years (she's listening to OPERA now, wtf. crazy).

Black Sabbath, "Sweet Leaf"
Cult, "She Sells Sanctuary"
Drive Like Jehu, "New Unison"
Missy Elliott, "I'm Really Hot"
Fleetwood Mac, "Everywhere"
Galaxie 500, "Tell Me"
Joy Division, "Transmission"
Kitchens Of Distinction, "Mainly Mornings"
Les Savy Fav, "Our Coastal Hymn"
Grant McLennan, "Simone And Perry"
Nas, "Star Wars"
Placebo, "Special Needs"
Sonic Youth, "Schizophrenia"
Turbonegro, "Get It On"
Verlaines, "Heavy 33"
Mario Winans feat. Enya & P. Diddy, "I Don't Wanna Know"
Your Enemies Friends, "Back Of A Taxi"

My options were limited since I try not to repeat bands and I've been giving her tapes for about six years, but I think this tracklisting actually does a good job of conveying the sounds I've been enjoying lately. I'm going to be making her at least two CD-Rs from the stuff y'all have been sending me.

Recent realizations:

1) I really enjoy hearing friends laugh while listening to Bill Hicks.

2) Still not psyched for Kerry? Finding yourself fatalistically assuming Bush is gonna win? Nip that shit in the bud FAST (it's just what the right wants - mobilization and enthusiasm is KEY for us to have a chance) by looking at pictures of Kerry where he's not offering that awkward grin and put on some FUGAZI. "Bulldog Front" should be the theme song! Fugazi should tour with him! Drop the facade and get aggro!

Ahistorical - you think this shit just dropped right out of the sky
My analysis: it's time to harvest the crust from your eyes
To surge and refine, to rage and define ourselves against your line
So sorry friend but you must resign
You want to figure it out we'll throw down, we'll throw down
Wou want to figure it out well throw down your bulldog front
Bold bold mouthtalking not so bold now that you've eaten your own
Lips flecked, mouthspecked you strip the skin right off of the bone
And I would never say you act without precision or care,
But it's all attention to armor, to the armor you wear so well
Let's knock and check to see if there's somebody home

Of all the crazy-ass Canibus lyrics in existence, I believe my favorite is "Master Thesis." I'm under the impression his constipated voice hinders the power of his words (I've yet to hear it myself), but on paper this stuff feels like a moon-by-moon voyage across the solar system and back.

They cooked on symmetrical stoves
with my logo etched above the hole where they inserted the coal
And they barbecued birds to the bone
They burned incense in a Buckminster Fuller type dome
I talked to Mr. Fuller over the phone
and he said he had a contract to rebuild Rome
said he didn't want to do it alone
I told him I was busy writing poems
but I'll think about going

in the same track he mentions getting into Nigerian jazz after seeing K-Pax, going to school with Dr. Scholls in '86 and "boos [turning] into applause" while "in the studio with James Lipton." Respect.

Remember when I said that Trouble Everyday are predominantly interacting with bands I like to the point where it's downright eerie?

Check this out.

I just found out tonight that Philly's finest are going to be doing a few west coast dates with Hot Snakes in late september/early october.

For the last few weeks I've been planning to celebrate my birthday (on Oct. 4th I'll be capping off my first quarter century) by going up to Philly to see The Mountain Goats on the 6th and, on the 7th...Hot Snakes.

oooooweeeeeoooo.

VH1 Classic. Time after time.

Eddie Murphy, "Party All The Time": Save Coming To America, I think it could be argued that "Party All The Time" is more inspired and entertaining than anything Murphy has done since (Klump fans may feel otherwise). This dramatic re-enactment of the recording process imagines a fantasy world so beautiful and heroic that I resent any documentarian effort to capture the reality of song production. Songs should be performed live, new singers should run down the steps shaking hands and enter the recording room AFTER the song has already started. If the celebrity producer is feeling the track, he should feel free to run in the room, grab a bass and join in for the closing chorus before joining the singer for a wink and an "ok" sign. From ILX: There's one scene of Rick [James] staring intently through the glass, fists clenched as if watching the delicate fusion of highly volatile nuclear materials. - Alex In NYC.

Do a shot every time Rick or Eddie delivers a reverbed clap.

Billy Ocean, "When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going": It's not clear beforehand, but by the time Danny DeVito delivers his sax solo, Billy Ocean is visibly wincing and continues to do so for the rest of the video. Poor guy.

Cyndi Lauper, "Time After Time": When the boyfriend (who I believe was her manager, he's in all her stuff) announces he that he can't go with her...that's when I lose it (if I haven't already) Between the unsympathetic reaction to her new haircut, the childhood memories, his startled reaction to her departure and the single, solitary tear he leaves us with, this video tugs the heartstrings hard. Song's great too.

Eddie Money, "Shakin'": I've previously mentioned my curiousity as to when MTV realized that attractive people look better in videos than ugly guys. Some people might argue that dorks have always been present and always will be, but one viewing of this clip will make evident that somewhere around that fifth Duran Duran video things really started to change. Money's facial contortions in this video achieve a grotesquery far more disturbing than the homeliness offered by Steve Perry and that freak from REO Speedwagon. Miming a guitar stutter with his mouth (to the delight of Beavis & Butthead, if you recall), bulging his eyes out, scrunching up his face and jerking around the shotgun seat while watching his Hispanic hottie kiss a hood ornament, Money has the sexual magnetism of a Martin Prince-Nelson Muntz amalgam and even less physical grace. Closing your eyes and shaking your slackjaw is not hot. Never was.

Jesus & Mary Chain, "Just Like Honey": Everyone on this set, including the cameraman, appears to be nodding off.

Thanks to my infinitely more computer-knowledgeable sis, I've now mastered the font-size of this site. Yay. Substanial postage tomorrow.

Go here and watch "Y Control," the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs video directed by Spike Jonze (or as Karen called him at the show in Philly, "ADAM, MY LOVE!!!").

There will be no better video this year. Even the necessary MTV edit will be better than any other. Sweet merciful crap.

Courtesy of rockcriticsdaily (courtesy of radioweissblog), a hysterical transcript from Sarah Hepola of an Usher teleconference.

Usher: And as a child, I said to my grandmother, "You know, one day I'm going to own one of these Krispy Kremes. I've got to make some money," you know?

Q: And so when you're on the road, do you get to indulge in some Krispy Kremes?

Usher: No.

Q: No?

Usher: No.


Further reaffirming I'd probably throw my notebook at him if I was in the same room, Jim DeRogatis inexplicably tries to bring up R. Kelly's extracurricular shenanigans while in the House Of Usher. While I respect Jimmy D giving that infamous video evidence to the cops (a crime is a crime and should be punished), the dude needs to SHUT UP about it already. I know you're not afraid to ask Yellowcard the hard questions, dude. We all do.

So yeah, why does Jim DeRogatis get me all edgy?

Michael Daddino's excellent review of Kill Your Idols for the Seattle Weekly ends with a biggie: In spite of his intentions, for DeRogatis the rock and roll canon is a closed system, and in his attempts to escape it, the more he struggles, the more he strangles. The guy is a classic example of the loudmouthed "rebel" who doesn't realize how conservative, knee-jerk and close-minded he is. There's endless examples of him claiming that he's down for debate, that he wants to smash the system, yadda yadda, but I've rarely read someone who is more dismissive of things outside his realm of personal pleasure for the most superficial, unthoughtful, pompous reasons. There's nothing wrong with having a limited locus of interest or liking something because it reminds you the shit that moved you in high school, just be SELF-AWARE about it.

A big fault of mine is that I get resentful towards people who remind me of embarassing attitudes and ideas I had in the past (you'd think I'd be more sympathetic but no). When DeRogatis throws up straw-man arguments about the "rock critic elite" or rips on fans for not sharing his rockist values and basically does all the shit that got me branded a "music nazi" in high school, I get angry and flabbergasted that somebody who's had a decade more on this planet pulls this kind of shit. What can you say about a guy whose most hailed work is a debate with Stephan Jenkins (a debate which he only won because the 3EB frontman announced that they were "as DIY as Fugazi" - this is like winning a sprint because the other guy had a stroke two thirds of the way through, folks)? What can you say about a guy who claims to celebrate the "Dionysian" values of Lester Bangs but also writes an article in Salon about how Britney Spears should be a better role model for his daughter?

There's countless quotes I could share that give me little aneurysms, but basically if you remind me of a jealous high schooler who doesn't realize how received his "wild card" perspective is AND of the increasing number of smug older folks I encounter in life who've decided the world has nothing more to teach them (admitting ignorance good, PRIDE in ignorance bad), you're going to rank pretty high on my Shut Up Now Shut Up Now Shut Up Now list.

Well, I WAS going to write about why Jim DeRogatis bugs me so much today, but I just listened to R. Kelly's Happy People and after 11 tracks of discofied dippiness of the highest order I can't seem to focus on anything. That thing should be called Happy Pills! It's too monochromatic and filler-filled to make my top 10 probably, but after our Weatherman the Pied Piper tells you its "love o' clock" for the umpteenth time, it's hard to get your mind to see things otherwise (unless you're fighting the good cheer, good times, good people, happy people, which I just don't do). After a good night's sleep I'll probably be able to rationally discuss my disagreement with another writer's philosophy, but right now I just wanna, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step...

If you would like to complain to R. Kelly about my 24-hour transformation into a flower child, his number is 1-2-3-L-O-V-E. Smooth operators are standing by. Now step, step, step, step, step, step...

Me telling the F-Ups to F-off in Stylus. My god, where has all the great pop-punk gone? Man, do I need to check out Yellowcard for a fix? All my heroes and heroines of 2002, we need you. Supposedly the Donnas, Good Charlotte and All-American Rejects should be releasing albums later in the year or at the beginning of 2005. Desaparecidos was supposed to have a new album, Payola, out already except Denver Dalley's really excited to do his Conor-free Statistics thing (which I can't be arsed to check out) and Conor wants to do some more Rolling Thunder Revue tours and some CSN shows with M. Ward and that guy from My Morning Jacket who sounds like Neil Young doing a Baby Jessica McClure imitation. I can see why he'd been inspired to overcompensate, but two Bright Eyes albums doesn't not equal one Desaparecidos album, sorry.

And Kelly Osbourne, whose Shut Up! still sounds as great as it did when it came out...I have no idea if we'll ever hear from you again, and whether or not what we hear will be as good without the same collaborators. I keep my fingers crossed.

The 25 Best "Alternative" albums of All Time, according to Anthony Miccio, State College Area High School Senior, as published in the Centre Daily Times Off Centre teen page in April 1998.

#1) Velvet Underground, White Light/White Heat

'This album is arguably [their] best: noisy guitars, caustic vocals, and sprawling rants including a 17-minute monster called "Sister Ray" that never lets up its propulsive beat. Way before its time.'

#2) R.E.M., Reckoning

'An underrated classic that's greater, song by song, than any of the band's other amazing albums. You already know about these guys.'

#3) Feelies, Crazy Rhythms

'Four geeky Hoboken suburbanites made this classic album out of jagged punk melodies, nervous attitude and the propulsive, percussive rhythms that dominate their style.'

#4) Afghan Whigs, Gentlemen

'Most albums of the 1990s are owned by the singles, but this one works best as a whole, like Dark Side Of The Moon or Tommy.' (I have never listened to either of the albums referenced in my life)

#5) Talking Heads, Fear Of Music

'The classic band's last and best "rock" album is a masterpiece of nerdiness and experimentation.' (do a shot every time I write "classic" or "experimentation" in this article)

#6) Pixies, Doolittle

'That soft verse/loud chorus thing that plagues '90s radio started with this influential group, which is why it fits perfectly into WGMR's playlist.'

#7) Neil Young & Crazy Horse, Rust Never Sleeps

'Neil Is Neil.' (man, do I wanna give the adolescent me a big thumbs up for that worthless opener) 'His voice can be grating, but if that's a problem then how come no one else can play his songs right?'

#8) Afghan Whigs, Black Love

'The band's most recent album replaces grunge with a jagged sound that mixes R&B with Sonic Youth-style experimentiaton. The songs are classic and singer Greg Dulli's ability to belt ranks up there with Tom Waits.' (um, Tom Waits belts?)

#9) U2, Zooropa

'The classic band really got it right on this one: classic melodies, futuristic sounds and soul searching lyrics.' (classic.)

#10) Modern Lovers, The Modern Lovers

'Jonathan Richman: the first nerd-rocker...If punk means standing out and being yourself, then they don't come any punker.'

#11) Replacements, Pleased To Meet Me

'A great band that was unfairly ignored in the '80s, the Replacements were one of the first groups to mix punk with more mainstream rock sounds. Paul Westerberg is (or is that was?) one of the best lyricists of the modern era.' (was.)

#12) Guided By Voices, Bee Thousand

'...Listen to this diverse plethora of brief-but-endearing songs and you can't help but wonder, "How?"'

#13) Stooges, Fun House

'Loud, rowdy and stunning, this album is too ferocious for radio 30 years after its release. Why aren't they in the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame? (Why isn't Iggy?)' (Why am I sharing this crap with you?)

#14) Velvet Underground, 1969 Live

'...It's hard to believe that people could actually create something this great in one take.' (I'm assuming the next sentence was going to be "wowee wow wow.")

#15) R.E.M., Monster

'Love it or hate it, this albums mixes hard rock with high art, creating one of the most important albums in the band's catalog.' (High art? Wow, I was, like this close to being a lil' Jim DeRogatis. Rock lives!)

#16) Pavement, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

'Featuring haphazard and occasionally stumbling musicianship and a vocalist who you know could do better, Pavement refuses to be the brilliant band it could. The fact that "Crooked Rain" is near perfect is probably an accident.' (....)

#17) Yo La Tengo, Electr-O-Pura

'Three thirtysomethings from Hoboken who keep making brilliant modern rock for the joy of it, even though only 60,000 people seem to care (which isn't really that bad).' (corny? check. indie? check.)

#18) Matthew Sweet, Girlfriend

'A pinnacle of power pop that only pretentious snobs could dislike.'
( "this kid's got promise!")

#19) Pere Ubu, The Modern Dance

'...this album spotlights psuedo-singer David Thomas pondering the life of his friend Peter Laughter and the fact that Ubu figured out what comes after punk before anyone else could even think about it.' (or so I'd read...)

#20) Girls Against Boys, House Of GVSB

'...If the next album, "Freak*On*Ica," is anywhere as good as this one, then you're looking at the next big thing.' (I'll stand by that.)

#21) Morrissey, Your Arsenal

'...master moper Morrissey...'

#22) Elvis Costello & The Attractions, This Years Model

'Another complicated genius...'

#23) The Fall, 458489 Asides

'Mark E. Smith, a tone-deaf but stunning MC...'

#24) Big Star, Third/Sister Lovers

'...the songs on this album are some of the most emotionally draining you'll ever hear that could still be considered pop.' (I can't decide if I stand by that statement or not.)

#25) Sonic Youth, Daydream Nation

'Every album this NYC quartet has done since 1986's EVOL has been great, but this one features "Teen Age Riot," the band's songwriting pinnacle, as well some of their grandest and most impressively intuitive work.' ("most impressively intuitive"?)


Aside from Zooropa, Daydream Nation and (wtf) Monster I still love these albums a lot. I just thought you might appreciate a glimpse at what I was like back in the day. Back when they used to call me "the music nazi." Back when I'd never known the love of a woman. Back when I was commending Soundgarden for their "authenticity" despite not enjoying a single thing they'd ever done.

Those CD-Rs I said were going out last Monday are going out this Monday. Moving craziness and whatnot.

"Don't Be Scared" by A.R.E. Weapons should qualify as crunk.

The a capella CD-R mix I got from Tofu Hut came real handy two nights ago, when I need to listen to SOMETHING but winced at the thought of having to deal with the weight of instruments. It was wonderful to have everyone from Tom Waits and Odetta to Ol' Dirty Bastard singing unaccompanied lullabiess (though that one ten minute track is a bit much).

I've also been listening to an MBV live bootleg a lot lately. I'm curious how they got their guitars to sound like they were melting in that setting. The infamous D-chord destruction on "You Made Me Realise" doesn't feature actual music as far as I could tell (TV on the fritz for 3 minutes, um, yay) but otherwise this stuff is stellar.

After listening to the Screwed & Chopped version for so long, its really disorienting to finally hear David Banner's "Choose Me" in its original form (just bought it). I miss the drawn-out feel of the remix. The pain and yearning felt so much more nightmarish and desperate there. Where "Choose Me" was a peak of the Screwed version (at least for a melody freak like myself), the one on MTA proper just sounds like dance floor filler (haha even four plus minute tracks on this sound light-speed and rushed after months of slow and low), while other tracks benefit from the increase in bounce.

Thanks to the efforts of critics and ILXors to push the remix, Banner's actual voice sounds so non-threatening now! I don't think that was his intention.

In the midnight hour, she cried mo', mo', mo' VH1 Classic

Keith Richards, "Wicked As It Seems": Fuck the Jagger hate. Sure, Keith IS the Stones, but judging by his solo material, anything you ever heard that made you think more than "hey, it's the Stones" came from Jann S. Wenner's Five-Star Solo Superstar. After hearing the drumming on his solo stuff, I don't even want to say Richards is all the makes a track "the Stones" either. I should show this video to everybody I know who was blown away by the "99 Problems" video, cuz Romanek's been making moving slide shows of other people's images for years.

Billy Idol, "Rebel Yell": I want to live on the planet this video was filmed on. Reaffirming that everything has been done before, this song nullifies my concept of nu-wave by being more aggro AND more new wave than anything that's come out this year. I'll pretend it doesn't count, though, as this is closer to pop-metal than nu-wave thanks to Steve Stevens' guitar, which morphs into a machine gun during the solo.

Whitesnake, "Here I Go Again": If she was dating a talented, charismatic frontman, Tawny might have given us a glimpse of her Kitaen. We should probably be grateful that shots of the hideous, deluded puds known as Whitesnake are included, for otherwise this clip would inspire spontaneous acts of public masturbation. There's a girl I know who considered re-enacting this video to the tune of Def Leppard's "Hysteria," and I'd just like to note that her boyfriend is a very, very lucky man (though not as lucky as David Coverdale, who deserved to have Margaret Thatcher humping his Yugo).

ZZ Top, "Rough Boy": one of two videos I've seen that imply the Top took their new wave shtick TOO FAR with Afterburner (I'll discuss "Sleeping Bag" another time), this one involves a space station and a synth ballad, nary a drop of Rio Grande Mud to be found. If it wasn't for the titular declaration of coarseness, this could be, I dunno, "Up Where We Belong."

Loverboy, "Working For The Weekend": They shot this for 9 hours (I'm guessing) and THESE were the most charismatic images they had to work with. I'm not sure when MTV realized that attractive people look better on TV, but it was sometime after this admittedly glorious video was popular (freeze on the drummer's distended face! people will want to revel in its enthusiastic grotesque glory!). That said, if I ever sing lead in a band again and am not hindered by a guitar, I WILL don the red headband and matching scarf. If you want to be in an audience's heart, you've gotta start from the start. Props to Scott Woods for revealing that Canadian headband-rock doesn't start and end with Loverboy.

The new LeTigre single "New Kicks," which I'm praying isn't actually the first single off the new album but some random internet-only track, is hella embarassing. It's hard to believe that after years of writing politically-oriented lyrics she'd believe that what the world needs now (what the world EVER needs) is the word "peace" and random slogans thrown over an electronic beat and NO hooks.

Peace.

Yeah, that's the problem. Nobody's thrown up a peace sign. Oh, Yoko!

I finally heard "Headsprung" a couple times recently, and I'm starting to wonder if LL Cool J is the Rod Stewart of rap, so confident in his vocal charisma that he'll happily hop around from trend to trend, hoping something will stick and having enough commercial sense to succeed with impressive frequency. The track is undeniable, but it's a bit odd that I don't remember much of anything about his rap, an unprecedented occurence for me. If he is the Rod Stewart of rap, this may be his "D'Ya Think I'm Sexy?"

Disco-rap is in full effect. The ratio of hits about clubbing and fucking to songs that aren't is staggering. I'm not really complaining since the alternatives consist of Mase assuming I give a shit where he's been, Jadakiss regurgitating one of Bob Dylan's least intelligent tracks, Kanye making me wish his voice didn't suck ass and Eminem getting so Stan I keep waiting for him to scream "WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER, TOO!" That said, I'm starting to get a bit desensitized to the beats (yeah they're all awesome but frankly I'm more shocked when one DOESN'T work) and the raps feel less and less noteworthy. And until my love life starts picking up I think I'm officially sick of all the post-Jay-Z declarations of monogamous affection.

I'm sticking with LL Cool as Rod Stewart, but who's a good choice for the Bee Gees of the current rap scene? The Black Eyed Peas are gunning for it but I think we're going to see an even bigger example of some vet flying out of obscurity to shove monolithic club tracks down our throat. THEN the backlash will truly commence.

I'm disappointed Victoria Beckham won't be the one offering the 2K version of The Ethel Merman Disco Album.

I'm in the middle of moving to my new apartment, so posts may or may not be a little sparse for a couple days.

Me doing my damndest to make people check out Trouble Everyday in Stylus. If google isn't failing me, this might be the first review of their album on the web outside of Philadelphia. I really hope it's not the last. I found some article about them that namedrops Les Baton Rouge and The Hells as being friends with the group. This is kind of eerie, since I've been listening to those bands a lot too. Man, AND they've played with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs AND they've played in State College (for the listening pleasure of two dozen overwhelmingly indifferent people! And one guy standing boggle-eyed and slackjawed! Me!). I have to assume there's some svengali with a cigar who decided that the key to getting these guys some buzz was to coddle the tastes of a part-time critic/part-time library clerk in central PA best known for being the only guy over 21 who thinks Good Charlotte is awesome.

Here's two mp3's from their site, "Kids" and "Days Vs. Nights". If I could recommend one relatively unknown band for the hype machine, these guys would be it.

Thanks in large part to Evan from Texas, the amount of CD-R's I've gotten in the mail recently has become ungodly (Polyrock! "Seven Deadly Finns!" "Losing My Edge"!). Good thing its predetermined how I'm returning the favor to everyone (a bunch more Fall comps head for the post office Monday), since the LAST thing on my mind these days is forcing my own musical discoveries on people. I'm too busy basking in the awesomeness of all of yours. I plan to celebrate these things more fully eventually but for now I'd just like to say THANK YOU FOR THIS PILE OF COOL SHIT, ALL OF YOU. This will not be the last post of effusive gratitude. There's more on the way and I haven't listened at least 75% of the stuff I've already gotten.

Last night I heard an Australian rapper announce he gets the shits. What have I done to deserve this good fortune?

I flippantly described VH1 Classic videos on the net, that's what!

Starship, "We Built This City": My friend Rob considers this The Worst Piece Of Shit Ever, and I think its a valid choice. This song is why I don't sympathize with "We Didn't Start The Fire."

Starship, "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now": This song is why I don't sympathize with the Jefferson Airplane Behind The Music. This video is why, despite hearing he's a nice guy who married his college sweetheart 20 years after their first date yadda yadda, I kind of wish pain on Andrew McCarthy.



I'm glad Mickey Thomas is available for parties. He'd make a great pinata.

Joan Jett, "Cherry Bomb": I, for one, support an increase of women in rock. Why? ASK MY BONER. Women should be in bands, writing, recording, performing, producing, engineering, etc. and men should be willing vessels for their lust, happy just to watch, lift amps and give them money. It's what God intended.

Joan Jett, "I Love Rock'n'Roll": Oh, if only I could sneer "It's all the same!" like that guy from the Blackhearts. I assume Joan always turns to face her drummer so that she can give us a good look at her ass. This video is so fucking hot. Anthony loves him some FOXY! OW!

Bruce Springsteen, "Dancing In The Dark": I assume Bruce always turns to face his drummer so that he can give us a good look at his ass (or maybe he's giving Max, who does appear to be looking everywhere but straight ahead, a reprieve from its pert majesty). Bruce is an overlooked synth-pop giant, which doesn't really bother me because he's overrated in every other department. Imagine how TV history would have been altered if he picked one of Courtney Cox's friends to dance instead. She was the talentless lynchpin that held that show together.