Penn State College Logo Putter Cover

This sleek, durable putter cover is the perfect fit for any thin-headed putters. Embroidered with the team logo, this long lasting material is in school colors.

We have a winner! Paul Thompson of State College, PA. Hometown represent!

November, 2001:

11/3 - God Bless America by Various Artists - the first pre-country-jingoism
chart reflection of post-9/11, this one features Ms. Celine Dion--who is most
assuredly still a French Canadian in birth only--singing the hot fuck outta
"God Bless America." Noteworthy not only for its cheap cash-in on the
groundswell of patriotism, but for its not-so-cheap status as the first charity
album to hit #1 on Billboard since We Are The World.

11/10 - The Great Depression by DMX - Darkman X's fourth, this was the one that
finally found the media willing to cast aspersions on his hardly-latent
homophobia. Ironically, there are fewer instances of the word "faggot" in its
lyrics than most of his other records combined. Of note elsewhere is the song
"Who We Be," an iambic laundry list that'd make any Cash Money Millionaire
proud/litigious.

11/17 - Invincible by Michael Jackson - Jacko's last hurrah 'til his Chinese
Democracy, and despite a good first week, perhaps the Hudson Hawk of the Hot
200. I don't feel I have to tell you that this was its only appearance at the
top of the chart, although I am compelled to say your boy Robby Christgau gave
her an A-. Fellow defendant Kells does a track, too; "Cry."

11/24 - Britney by Britney Spears - Whoa, did you know Dido co-wrote "I'm Not a
Girl (et. al)?" Two Neptunes tracks, "Bombastic Love," and a Joan Jett tune (I
bet you know which one!). Why wasn't this her Glitter?

Why so noteworthy? Wellsir, none of these albums ever hit the top of the charts
again; a strange feat given the inclusion of two of the best-selling artists of
the past 40 years. An unflincingly crass version of our second-national
anthem-in-command by the 12th child of a fucking Canuck was the best 9/11 could
cough up 'til Alan Jackson's Drive a full two months later. And DMX, for some
reason, rears his ugly head betwixt his three more logical foes. I mean, yeah,
Il Divo is weird, but in a world where "My Humps" is king, that's a minor
aberration next to the balls-out failure of "U Rock My World." Don't you think?

Another good month: March 2002, which starts with the aforementioned Drive, then
the J. Lo remix album, then Alanis' Under Rug Swept, then the O Brother
soundtrack (which'd been out nearly two years at that point) for two weeks.

WE ARE PENN STATE!

As soon as he sends his address, Paul will be receiving 7 CDs of modern hip-hop/r&b majesty.

Question: In Billboard Top 200 history, has there ever been a weirder batch of #1s than in February 2006?

February 4: First album in over 11 years from Jamie Foxx, Academy-award winning actor turned smooth r&b crooner, who first rose to fame by playing Wanda, a homely sex freak, on In Living Color. Single features Ludcaris.

February 11: The sophomore release from Il Divo, an "opera-pop" quartet made up of attractive male vocalists from America, Spain, Switzerland and France. The group was created by Simon Cowell and sings everything from classical standards to "Hero."

February 18: Barry Manilow, The Greatest Songs Of The Fifties

February 25: The soundtrack to a film adaptation of Curious George - a collection of lullabies, campfire songs and other collegiate hippie bullshit, performed by Jack Johnson.

If you can think of a month with four goofier #1s, e-mail me your address and win The Golden Pen Of R. Kelly, a 6 CD-R retrospective including cameos, songs written for other artists, album tracks and assorted ephemera. Find a month with FIVE and I'll throw in Featuring Ludacris, a CD-R of some of the rapper's greatest guest verses.

Whatever You Say I Am, That's What I'm Not for Miami.

"They're songs for everyone - from the shy romantic whose hopeless with the opposite sex, to the guy who'd still take you home, even though he "can't see through your fake tan" ('Still Take You Home')." - New Musical Express

Yup, that's everyone.

In Miranda's world, they're called "misunderstood" touches.

Hyperromantic tales of underage sexuality and indie quirk are bad enough (the false ending has the psychotic leads tearfully placing a framed photo of a bird in a tree, the real one is even cornier), but including a subplot about a cold-hearted gallery owner who learns to appreciate the writer/director/star's conceptual art after accepting her inner pederast is really pushing it. Me And You And Everyone We Know reaffirmed that I need to trust my instincts re: the popular American arthouse film and avoid this shit like the plague.

Speaking of shit and "pushing it," there are even more precious scenes of children discussing sex and scatology in the DVD's Special Features.

This week's Billboard Top Ten features four adult contemporary albums, three 'mature R&B' albums, two OPERA albums and Eminem's Greatest Hits. The top dog is Barry Manilow.

She Wants Revenge debuts at no. 38.

What happens when they let him direct.

For two nights in a row, I've watched a dopey thriller and discovered during the bafflingly proud documentary included on the DVD that the films (Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever and Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers) were written by an enthusiastic and amiable hack by the name of Alan McElroy. What's even creepier is that I easily might have rented Left Behind, Spawn, Wrong Turn or Rapid Fire tomorrow, had I not discovered that he wrote them all. I can't pretend I'm not curious about films in which Kirk Cameron witnesses the apocalypse, John Leguizamo wears heavy padding to play a demon clown, Eliza Dushku runs from 'cannibalistic mountain-men,' and Brandon Lee doesn't get shot.

Upcoming Alan McElroy scripts to look forward to, courtesy of IMDb:

Thr3e: Innocent lives hang on the whim of an elusive psychopathic murderer whose strange riddles and impossible timelines force three people into a mission to end the game before one or all of them die.

The Marine: A Marine returns from battle to find that his girlfriend is ensnared in a kidnapping plot. Starring John Cena.

Jornada del Muerte: A modern-day Western where gangs, drug trafficking and broken codes of honor rule. Directed by John Milius.

Bonesaw: The world is imperiled when Bonesaw and other demonic characters from a woman's hit fantasy horror novels are about to enter reality.

I'm not making any of this up, except the part about not renting Left Behind tomorrow.

Just when you think you're tired of talking about Fred Durst, he puts out an album by this guy, one that apes Interpol (not Joy Division, Interpol) in the most brazen, ridiculous manner. An album credited to She Wants Revenge, who are currently opening for Electric Six.

Please watch the video for "Sister." Paul Banks must be creeped the fuck out.


Never stop, Fred. Never stop.

I wonder how many people who were at Ford Field last night could sing you part of "Rough Justice." If the band really had balls, they would have done "One Hit To The Body" with Jagger flanked by a couple dozen cheerleaders.

IMDb's plot outline to Basic Instinct 2:

Novelist Catherine Tramell (Stone) is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Glass (Morrissey) to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game.

"Have you ever fucked on cocaine? It's nice."
"I have never had no one ever."

What Are You On? for Miami. The first album of 2006 I declare to be awesome.

These are comments I submitted to the pazz'n'jop poll this year, typos and all:

I live in PHILLY now, which means I get to frequently associate with other Pazz'n'Joppers for the first time since Carey Price moved from State College to NY in '03. I thought I'd hear less indie now that I'm estranged from college radio, but between my housemate's promo stash and you-send-it bearing pals I feel like I've heard more than enough.

Evidently all that stood in the way of Metallica evading actual criticism for their 'challenging' album was their Y chromosomes. If you people don't stop kissing their ass and give them the audience to actually WIN OVER, Sleater-Kinney's going to drop a Metal Machine Music and its gonna be the hardest four-star review of your professional life.

I tried to listen to that Stones album (liked that line about Mick drunk on the couch and becoming a grouch but 'I Walk The Streets Of Love' cancelled that interest fast) but fuck if I care if they can still arena rock unembarassingly (and, btw, they can't). It's not my white male generational baggage on the line.

I'm embarassed that two of the albums on my list weren't even commercially available in 2005. While I think the obsession with macro-social relevance in pop music is an overreach inspired by folks who need to redeem their medium fetish, I've got enough of that noble-ass value system ingrained in my system that the obscurity of the music that mattered most to me does irritate. That doesn't mean I'm going to pretend that Robyn and Electric Six didn't make albums that were stronger, nuttier, funnier and smarter than everybody else's. Hell, maybe I'll vote for them again in 2006.

The way p'n'j comments tend to frame world issues in the solipsistic context of music obsessives is just tough for me to get enthusiastic about (reading, or writing them). People doing their part by overrating Kanye, if not a gaggle of pimps from the tri-state area. Sometimes I'm actually more comfortable with music as background or mere escapism, rather than a symbolic stand-in for political action. At my most self-loathing moments, it all just seems like a gregarious distraction, with the faux-benign fireworks from Green Day to MIA made more offensive by their pretensions.

Our Hero Kanye's biggest hit warned against greedy bitches. Not that it wasn't a classic pop single: infectious, loaded with detail, funny, etc. It was the grandest example of a very popular trend this year: musically engaging, lyrically considered ho-baiting. It's possible I'm overemphasizing a ubiquitous constant, but it really did feel that the muse was strong this year for that side of the gender war. Anybody got ideas as to why?

Music I got really excited about this year: apocalyptic but inclusive disco-metal, open-hearted but well-edited memoirs of adolescence, sex beats from witty cads, jittery drone strums, women who probably know every word to 'I Will Survive,' the most bombastic track on an indie orchestra album, Lil Jon cutesypoo, any new wave single that broke a billboard chart and every batshit word that came out of R. Kelly's mouth.

--

Here's my ballot. I'm the only person to vote for "Goin' Crazy" and "Toma." Shame on you all.

Re: Cache, if you want us to accept your plotholes as being artily enigmatic, have a more gripping truth to your movie than 'repressed guilt will turn you into an asshole.' Though judging by the reviews, I have no right to use the first person plural.

Tyson!

A lot of my favorite singles from 2005 came from '04 albums, so it's fitting that the title track from the All-American Rejects' Move Along is the first 2006 single that I've connected with. I initially shelved the album, feeling that, for all its earnest gloss, it lacked the imaginative arrangements that made their debut such a delight - a logical if uninspiring outcome for a studio duo that grew into a live-oriented four-piece. Months later, with "Your Little Secret" suddenly cracking the pop top ten and Fuse pushing lesser wares at me whenever I graze past, I can now appreciate the hooks present and the bottom-end oomph that's replaced the Spectorisms. Tyson Ritter's as much of a bawling automaton as his peers, but you have to bother to understand what he's going on about (he's getting more than he did before they went gold, but there's still pain in the rain). Excepting a few bash-free ballads, their punk-pop is chewy enough to distract. Anybody who sees the video first will disagree, though.

Oof. Individually deleting every post from 2003 (in honor of the upcoming third anniversary of this site) was one humbling experience. Finding them through keyword searches was even more embarassing. I've said "shit" way too often on here. Sorry, mom.

From an e-mail from my sister (who I think is a better writer than me, even if I'm more Right): Your blog posts are smaller and more infrequent so are you doing some bigger stuff on your own?

I've been doing more freelance work and such'n'such recently, but the main reason for my relatively infrequent blogging is that after the Best Of 2005 onslaught I've been on "consume" mode, getting older albums from Limewire and friends (Jefferson, you are a GOD. When your server is down - like right now - I want to cry. Hook me up with that FTP shizz so I can return the favor!). But one of the things I've been doing is starting up manthony twenty. You may have noticed me referencing my OCD ideal of only owning twenty albums from a year in their entirety. This site will share what those twenty albums are. There may eventually be lists of other songs from each year that I adore, and maybe some descriptions, but for now you can see what albums I think are the most terrif.

This will obviously be a malleable list - a constant work in progress - changing whenever the mood strikes. I've included a comments box, as a sop to those who've asked for its return here (no chance in hell, my site my rules and MY INANITY ONLY. Plus I find e-mail correspondence way more enjoyable). Feel free to publicly announce "wtf?" at my inclusions and bring up albums that deserve acknowledgement.

If you haven't gotten down with youtube.com yet, START NOW. Again, "consume" mode is on.

Hefty Fine for Baltimore.

Sometimes I miss my old radio show, but then I remember how many songs I like have swearing in them.

I've been on a downloading spree these days, and that post I made about the Strokes inspired me to revisit the singles of Bush. Turns out "Comedown" was awesome! Play it right before the Hold Steady's "Killing Parties." They had some great guitar parts on other songs too - I guess I was just a hater back in the day. Even Candlebox's "Far Behind" sounded good when I caught it on VH1 Classic, and I hated that when it came out. I guess now that I like fakey pop-metal, fakey-grunge has gained some esteem. I'd also blame media saturation, but no one was forcing me to watch TV all the time.

It's probably just a sign of Billboard's download craziness, but in the last two weeks, TWO rock songs (NOT ballads!) cracked the Hot 100's Top Ten - "Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy and the All-American Rejects' "Dirty Little Secret." Is pop-punk making a comeback?

By the way, can a decent singer please rip off one of the Arcade Fire's more danceable grandiose backdrops? It's a money sound, I'm sure! I hope Good Charlotte does it. I bet they could get into the whole "children at a funeral" thing. Maybe Hillary can join the band on accordion or glockenspiel and they can re-record their song "Wake Up." Or maybe The Arcade Fire's!

Kool & The Gang scream "Jawohl!" in "Celebration," right? I swear that they do.

My mixes used to fit an alphabetical format: AC/DC, Basehead, Ciara, Distillers... but these days it's been more random. Here's an example I imagineered for the Seattle Weekly. If this crit biz adds up to little else, I can at least say I've been paid to describe a mix CD of my own making. My new pick-up line.

Hidden within the ouvre of Gavin Rossdale are the song titles from the new Strokes album. Can you find them all?

"Alien," "Altered States," "Ambulances," "Ask Me Anything," "Body," "Bomb," "Bonedriven," "Boom Box," "Bud," "Bullet Proof Skin," "Chemicals Between Us," "Cold Contagious," "Come On Over," "Comedown," "Communicator," "Dead Meat," "Disease Of The Dancing Cats," "Distant Voices," "Electricityscape," "English Fire," "Evening Sun," "Everything Zen," "Fear Of Sleep," "15 Minutes," "Float," "40 Miles From The Sun," "Fugitive," "Glycerine," "Greedy Fly," "Headful Of Ghosts," "Heart In A Cage," "Heat Of Your Love," "History," "Hurricane," "Inflatable," "Information Age," "Insect Kin," "Ize Of The World," "Jesus Online," "Juicebox," "Killing Lies," "Land Of The Living," "Letting The Cables Sleep," "Little Things," "Machinehead," "Mindcharger," "Monkey," "Mountains," "Mouth," "My Engine Is With You," "On The Other Side," "Out Of This World," "People That We Love," "Personal Holloway," "Prizefighter," "Razorblade," "Reasons," "Red Light," "Save The Robots," "Secrets And Lies," "Seventh Wave," "Solutions," "Spacetravel," "Straight No Chaser," "Superman," "Swallowed," "Swim," "Synapse," "Tendency To Start Fires," "Testosterone," "Vision Of Division," "Warm Machine," "Wasteland," "When Animals Attack," "X-Girlfriend," "You Only Live Once."

Despite owning it on DVD for months, I never noticed the best thing about Cinderella's "Nobody's Fool" video until just now. Right after Tom Keifer (according to the DVD commentary, Tom was really embarassed by the black shawl the director made him wear) moans the opening stanza - "I count the falling tears/ they fall before my eyes" - his girlfriend looks at the clock.

One Way Ticket To Hell...And Back for Baltimore.


rapcore/alternative style

Awful band name alert! Thousand Foot Krutch. I knew there was a reason I was looking at the Mainstream Rock Singles Chart.

Solid Gold Hits for the Voice.

I would like to take a moment and mourn my copy of Turn On The Bright Lights, which may still be in that greyhound bus toilet along with my discman. Don't put big things in hoodie pockets, people! Not when you're 6'4" and have to reach a low lever! I'm actually glad that TOBTL was the disc that was lost - there's no album I've listened to more over the last three years, so there's no hesitancy about reacquiring it. It's not my favorite album of the decade, not by a long shot, but I'm sure hooked on that "luxurious cynicism" (bless you, xgau). Not to mention the drone strums.

Christmas is going to come a day late for me (unless double pay at work counts as a gift), but not for you: I've got another crazy-ass slow jam for your perusal, this one up in the Tofu Hut. It's not every year you're given circumstantial evidence that Too Short wishes he was a woman, so be of good cheer.

Have yourself a very sexy Christmas...with H-Town.

Some reviews I've written recently:
R. Kelly, Lindsay Lohan, Franz Ferdinand and a handful of singles.

Some honorable mentions, 2005 albums-wise:
A-Frames, Black Forest
And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead, Worlds Apart
Annie, Anniemal
David Banner, Certified
Bright Eyes, Digital Ash In A Digital Urn
Fischerspooner, Odyssey
Franz Ferdinand, You Could Have It So Much Better
Mike Jones, Who Is Mike Jones?
Ben Lee, Awake Is The New Sleep
Lindsay Lohan, A Little More Personal (Raw)
Loquat, It's Yours To Keep
Supersystem, Always Never Again
Armand Van Helden, Nympho
Martha Wainwright, Martha Wainwright
White Stripes, Get Behind Me Satan

An album that may have belonged in that top 20 more than Mr. Cent:
Isolee, WeAreMonster

Album from the past that made the biggest impression on me this year:
Television, Adventure

MIA Will Change Your War

What gets MIA's home-made version of Missy Elliott's life-affirming dance-floor-scattering sex-funk gibberish over is the conceit that it's a vision of the tribalized world where, say, Islamic fundamentalists hear one of her jams on the radio and decide to forget all this jihadist hoo-ha and get booty loose.

Charles Aaron, Spin

The 20 Albums From 2005 I Still Have In Their Entirety!

1. The Mountain Goats, The Sunset Tree

Download: "Love, Love, Love"
There are few things I like to think less about than my adolescence, and as such I tend to avoid any tv show or movie that deals with that stage in life. But what makes The Sunset Tree such a remarkable memoir is how it utilizes the distance of perspective while holding on to what makes the period beautiful and worth remembering. While my own youth was free of abuse, everyone at that age is imprisoned by dependence and bursting with emotion, something this album captures without reveling in Breakfast Club self-pity and naivete. The music is equally devoted to an emotionally expressive minimalism free of egotistic indulgence. This may be the MGs' "emo" album by default, but compared to the mountains of product that cater to the kind of person The Sunset Tree describes, this is an honestly affectionate masterpiece.

2. Electric Six, Senor Smoke

Download: "Rock'n'Roll Evacuation"
Folks who cry for 'relevant' music that acknowledges our socio-political climate need look no further than "Rock'n'Roll Evacuation," whose apocalyptic insanity was as startling & potent as any other 4 musical minutes in 2005 - even before the titular chorus was given an even more horrifying resonance in late August. Electric Six's giggly glut of sex, death and dance-metal resembles the mix of nightmare and inclusiveness wraught by the New York Dolls, who probably seemed silly and negligible to many in their time too. The album won't be released stateside until February '06, a year after its British release, but I've played it so often this year - first as four MP3s from a blog, then from a NME realmedia stream before scoring a CD-R from a more net-savvy friend - that I couldn't pretend to associate it with any other.

3. Louis XIV, The Best Little Secrets Are Kept

Download: "Pledge Of Allegiance"
Yeah, they're cads who make bad first impressions - fall guys for crits who want to reaffirm their feminism after praising less retro pussybeaters (though only for their man-to-man boasts and Horatio Alger crack tales, obv) - but if you're a fan of "Rebel Rebel"/"Jeepster" you'll find a higher ratio of it here than in any other attept at Velvet Goldmine-hood. I wish they incorporated the amiability of Bowie's "Kooks," but the album details their sexual politics with such self-awareness and winking humor that I refuse to let some cheesy videos get in the way of my appreciation. So consistently sharp, it's my favorite glam album after Here Comes The Warm Jets.

4. Spoon, Gimme Fiction

Download: "They Never Got You"
Robert Christgau: "I wish this was still a world where the right guitar noise and a heaping helping of hooks were sustenance enough." I think he's just pissed he overrated Kill The Moonlight, but who knows? Spoon's placement on this list may reaffirm how privileged my ass is. Or maybe just how much I love Doolittle and Reckoning.

5. Robyn, Robyn

Download: "Should Have Known"
I'd feel ridiculous for having some European crit-circle ZIP-file obscure nonsense on my list (there ain't even an Allmusic pic!) if I wasn't sure that, with a major-label American promotion budget, she could sell at least as much as Donna "I Love You Always Forever" Lewis. With her sense of craft and un-euro, un-genteel lyrical projection, she deserves to.

6. Queens Of The Stone Age, Lullabies To Paralyze

Download: "Broken Box"
Michael Daddino on "Broken Box": "What kind of guy mumbles 'I love you, man' right before he says 'THAT'S ONE THING YOU CAN FOR-FUCKING-GET' and then seals his kiss-off with a dance in the rain? (Yeah, that'll show 'em.) A guy who sings in falsetto. A guy who wears black nail polish. A guy who does the T. Rex stomp. His mixed signals are so sexy." Aside from two slogs in the middle, I'd say this goes for the whole album.

7. Brakes, Give Blood

Download: "Heard About Your Band"
In the 60s, many artists filled out their b-sides with goofy filler and covers of subcultural touchstones, wrapping things up in under 45 minutes. The second half of Give Blood proves through example that indie bands should bring this practice back. I wish more albums were this slight.

8. R. Kelly, TP3.Reloaded

Download: "Sex Weed"
An "F" for genuinely successful seduction, perhaps, but this is the most ridiculously and consistently entertaining Kelly full-length to date. And were people having sex to "It Seems Like You're Ready" either?

9. The Darkness, One Way Ticket To Hell And Back

Download: "Girlfriend"
Irrelevant factoid I left out of my upcoming review: hiring Roy Thomas Baker to flesh out your sound on the terrific but commercially unsuccessful follow-up to your US breakthrough is totally what Local H did with Pack Up The Cats.

10. Kelly Osbourne, Sleeping In The Nothing

Download: "Suburbia"
Less affecting and unified than Shut Up!, but this still has more charisma and hooks than any of her more successful celebrity-first musical peers. If her stylistic left-turns continue, she'll rip off Lady Sovereign in 2008 and score her first US gold record with "Grimin'! (feat. Crazy Frog)"

11. Beastie Boys, Solid Gold Hits

Download: Oh, please.
In a world glutted with filler-loaded, near-worthless best-ofs, only one group successfully managed to hide their true batting average. In a world where people are high enough to revere Check Your Head, this may go unappreciated.

12. Missy Elliott, The Cookbook

Download: "We Run This"
I must confess: This Is Not A Test! is the first Missy album I ever bought. While I can't speak about her earlier full-lengths, which I'll get around to hearing once I borrow them from my housemate, I know I liked that one and like this one even more. I hope she can keep the same ol' same ol' fresh long enough to merit a Star Time, and I have a hard time imagining anyone else who could.

13. Turbonegro, Party Animals

Download: "City Of Satan"
It's funny that they had Keith Morris sing on an original track named "Wasted Again," but you don't have to know shit about Black Flag to enjoy it. My third (maybe fourth or fifth depending on how Eddyesque your definition is) favorite pop-metal album of the year, a fact that makes me incredibly happy.

14. Pitbull, Money Is STILL A Major Issue

Download: "Oh No He Didn't (feat. Cubo)"
A month or so ago, I made a "Featuring Ludacris" CD-R for some friends, sharing some of my favorite guest spots of his, from "Stop Trippin'" to "Oh." The licensing must be a chore, but I'm glad to see they're making these remix/collabo comps for real. I've never tired of his hits and the new tracks have me excited for El Mariel, out in '06. Pitbull is a busy man.

15. Stephen Malkmus, Face The Truth

Download: "Freeze The Saints"
Our Robyn Hitchcock is better than Britain's, and Stephen's rhythm section is better than Pavement's - which really matters when he wants to play slow. It's great to see an alt-icon from my youth age gracefully without being boring.

16. Trina, The Glamorest Life

Download: "Da Club (feat. Mannie Fresh)"
I wish there weren't so many guest rappers, but this album is still Trina's and still refreshing. Attempted by lesser rappers, Trina's archetype could be pretty foul, but she straddles (ahem) her contradictions with skill. I'm sharing "Da Club" in honor of 2004's The Mind Of Mannie Fresh, which is totally making my pazz'n'jop ballot.

17. Moby, Hotel

Download: "Slipping Away"
A vision of MOR I can totally get behind, merging contradictory impulses of robotic placidity and earnest emotion, new wave and new age. Showy artistry would only get in the way. Oh my god, maybe he is a visionary! Just not the one his fans wanted (good thing I wasn't one).

18. Audible, Audible

Download: "Sunday Bell"
Pleasant murmurs and domesticized distortion? It's crisper than Matt Pond PA and most of their Intelligent Adult Contemporary ilk, but it looks like I'm still an indie kid after all. Philly represent!

19. Caesars, Paper Tigers

Download: "It's Not The Fall That Hurts"
When I first heard these guys on the radio I thought they were British assholes ripping off Smashmouth. Turns out they're from Sweden and that "Jerk It Out" has been on their last three albums! The reason the gloppy, echoey production never drowns the songs is that, unlike a lot of Elephant 6, they've got melody and energy worthy of '60s Ray Davies. Like a lot of Elephant 6, I couldn't care less what they're singing about.

20. 50 Cent, The Massacre

Download: "Gunz Come Out"
I wonder if the reason 50 Cent got less love from my fellow blogger-crit tpyes than most criminals is that he's singing all the time. It's funny, because that's why I love it so much. Rapping that flirts with melody, melody that flirts with rapping - I like it when the line blurs. I also like when hooks and gregariousness distract me from the uninspired amorality. I'm surprised others prefer dollops of emo - or like to take it straight.

50 Singles That Helped Make 2005...Magical!

1. Trick Daddy feat. Cee-Lo & Ludacris, "Sugar"

From a Seinfeld press release: "Everyone's looking for good sex, good food, and a good laugh," Jerry asserts. "They're little islands of relief in what's often a painful existence."

2. Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"

OMG you want text too? Another sentence about this damn song? Alright, fine: if I was God, Interpol would have covered this instead of Ted Leo. The musical arrangement was at least half of the appeal. Satisfied?

3. Killers, "Mr. Brightside"

It's possible that I wouldn't love this song as much as I do if not for the video. I didn't even mention the track when I reviewed the album. But seriously, whatevs.

4. M83, "Don't Save Us From Flames"

NOW That's What I Call Indie Bombast!

5. Natalie, "Goin' Crazy"

I like to think of Lil Jon slowdancing to this.

6. Queens Of The Stone Age, "Little Sister"

The Police, "Roxanne (Homme Remix)." Tighter than his duckass hair.

7. Pitbull feat. Lil Jon, "Toma"


"heh well if i found a crazed latin rapper talking about asses over a cut up of tone loc's 'wild thing' you'd be the first to know" - Jess Harvell

8. Robyn, "Be Mine!"

At first, I couldn't believe I was enjoying europop. Then I found out she was from Sweden. That there's precedent for.

9. R. Kelly, "In The Kitchen"

Thanks to Trapped-mania, this song is in danger of being forgotten. I refuse to let that happen.

10. Rilo Kiley, "Portions For Foxes"

The baroque bridge that gives the song its title helps explain why they haven't crossed over, despite re-selling their soul to Warners. The rest of the track (and the success of Fall Out Boy) makes that seem like a crime.

11. Keane, "Somewhere Only We Know"

The interview I caught makes me pray that they never have another hit ("our fans sense our honesty..." charming!), but in a year loaded with cooing British toolbars, this one actually got to me. Maybe it was because none of the others copped to need or sounded willing to offer fidelity. Maybe it was because the singer shaved.

12. Akon, "Lonely"

Color me sappy, but by the end of the third verse I don't even remember how ridiculous the sample is.

13. Usher, "Caught Up"

A dizzy tribute to Michael Jackson's Bad featuring the Pips and some of the funniest maneater lyrics ever penned. We can debate whether he's using his powers for good, but he's definitely using them.

14. Avril Lavigne, "Nobody's Home"

Just when I couldn't take another unsympathetic tale of being failed by life, Lavigne finally suggests somebody on the planet may have it worse than her. The crazy thing is how assured and natural it sounds. Maybe she's tired of complaining too.

15. Rob Thomas, "This Is How A Heart Breaks"

Starts with tribal drums and piano before guitars explode, synths stab and Rob throbs. We get a drum'n'bass interlude, a searingly compressed solo, and Rob having a gospel showdown with his back-up singers. An MOR horror-show more flamboyant than anything on Guero and just as eclectic. This dude is a trip.

16. 50 Cent, "Just A Lil Bit"

I'm always going to prefer "I'm The Type Of Guy"-ish Dionysian piffle over CEOs getting money the ski mask way. It was "Hate It Or Love It" that made me choose the latter re: the inescapable lug, but this was the hit that most rewarded my affection - for one thing, the goddamn Game wasn't on it.

17. Bowling For Soup, "Almost"

There are critics who like Fountains Of Wayne and Blink-182 but give no love to Bowling For Soup. If I had more respect for my peers, this wouldn't make sense.

18. LCD Soundsystem, "Tribulations"

"Daft Punk" was about having it and the others singles claimed there was nothing worth getting. "Tribulations" was about wanting, hence it was the only one that opened more doors than it closed.

19. Fat Joe feat. Nelly, "Get It Poppin'"

Joe's got a hot beat and wants to see just how much naughtiness it will let him get away with. That self-aware glee makes this hard to resist, especially when it comes from a dude with flow who looks like a little McNugget on top of a big one.

20. White Stripes, "Blue Orchid"

If this pouty ptoui is about Renee Zellweger then I'm laughing even harder.